This always happens when I’m pushed to the edge.
I find myself repeating myself, just to find myself repeating myself, in which I find myself repeating myself.
I latch onto sayings as things go topsy turvy, and use them continually.
Right now, “I’m all about that life”, or adversely, “I ain’t/am not all about that life”. Over and over I’ll say it. In every single conversation it’ll come up, because I can’t stop. I’m so uncomfortable that I’m regressing back into this repetitive speech.
What does it mean? It’s a way of disagreeing or agreeing strongly, and making a response more casual and funny (to a degree). People like it, people laugh. And now, people repeat it back to me. I don’t like hearing my terms used back to me, they sound so empty and inauthentic. These responses aren’t truly responses – they have no justification or reason. They’re just words to fill the ether and validate my conversational partners statements. I don’t tell them why or how or anything of actual value.
To be so truly disenchanted is awful.
I say that word all the time too, “disenchanted”. These things I can’t stop. My life is so new and uncomfortable, I need these constants.
Nothing is constant anymore. All these “positive” changes are killing me.
I need help.